It is the last day of the month and I have yet to hear anything from Ethiopia in regards to a court date. I know that God has things to teach me in this time of waiting and I have tried to take advantage of this time by getting things ready but it is so hard. Now that I have seen their faces and know their names each day that goes by is another one that I am not spending with my precious sons. This morning I read a blog entry of a dear friend that is going through cancer treatments in which she said “I don’t want to miss whatever God has for me along the way, so I don’t want to jump ahead or get this frustrated feeling of wanting to rush through it. So I will slow down and enjoy the ride.” We are on totally different rides but in much the same way I want to rush through this portion of my ride. I hope I can learn from my friend’s wisdom. This month has been a long one full of days with gray clouds literally and figuratively. I heard a song the other day called Scenes by Charlie Hall that spoke volumes to me. To walk with God always and to be in constant communion with Him is the only way I want to live. It is my hope that even in times when gray clouds come I lift my mind to Him.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Scenes
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Walk on the Water
Part of the journey of adoption for me is obviously times like the current one where I am just waiting. I’m waiting for a court date so that I can start making travel plans and get my mind in gear for the first trip when I will meet my sons. It has been a goal of mine to make sure that I’m listening for what God wants to teach me during this time of waiting. I am extremely excited about the next couple months and all that they entail but to be honest there is a little part of me that is anxious and scared. I’m sure with any new parent there are seeds of doubt. Can I really do this? Will I be a good mom to these two little boys? The questions in my head continue in a spiral that can get very detailed into what my response will be in certain situations. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and my sons aren’t even home yet! God has been doing a lot in me throughout the past week or so in regards to the issue of doubting myself. As part of the message on Sunday, we watched the Nooma video – ‘Dust’. In it Rob Bell describes what a true disciple is, what it takes to truly follow Jesus. The part of the video that continues to stick out in my head is the story of Peter walking on the water. He points out that Peter didn’t begin to sink because he lost faith in Jesus but he began to sink because he lost faith in himself. Jesus wouldn’t have called Peter out of the boat if he did not believe that Peter could walk on water. Likewise, Jesus wouldn’t have called me down this path of parenthood through adoption if I couldn’t do it. This morning I woke up to the song, “Walk on the Water” by Brit Nicole – “So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose? Your insecurities, they try to hold to you, but you know you’re made for more, so don’t be afraid to move. Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too.” It was just another reminder that I’m not in this alone and God would not have called me to get out of the boat and walk on the water unless I could.
