Wrapped Inside a Cocoon

Tuesday night at our bible study someone mentioned they were reading a book called "When the Heart Waits" by Sue Monk Kidd. I had read "The Secret Life of Bees" so I was familiar with Kidd's work. The title of this book resonated with me since my current season of life is one of waiting. I received the news during work on Wendesday about the changes in the Ethiopian adoption world and Wednesday night I drove to Lexington to pick up a copy of the book. (Normally I order all of my books on Amazon so I find it a bit ironic that I could not bring myself to wait when it came to a book about waiting.)

I am only a chapter and a half in but here are some quotes I have found extremely helpful:

• "If you think God leads you only beside still waters, think again. God will also lead you beside turbulent waters. If you have the courage to enter, you'll think you're drowning. But actually you're being churned into something new."
• "I noticed in the bottom lefthand corner of the poster the husk of an empty cocoon, a painful reminder that bright wings and works of art don't just happen."
• "Jesus' life was a balanced rhythm of waiting on God and expressing the fruits of that waiting."
• "The dangers of leaving a cocoon too soon are obvious..., it [the butterfly] couldn't fly. With the butterfly's waiting cut short, its wings were hopelessly unformed."

As I lay in bed that night I pictured myself waiting contently inside the cocoon and knowing that the beauty on the otherside will be well worth the wait. I have been in contact with my agency a couple of times. There is still much uncertainty as to the effect the changes will have on those currently in the process. There is going to be a change in the MOWA leadership this next week and hopefully I will know more in the coming weeks. Although it is not the timing that I expected, I fully believe that God has this all in His hands and I will wait patiently with a determination not to give up hope.

Lyrics from Hope Now (by Addison Road)

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

I'm not my own
I've been carried by you
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

Seasons and Storms

I am currently in a Beth Moore study on Tuesday nights. Something that she brought to life in that study that hit home this past week was that often times between the changing seasons of our lives there are storms. She compared this to living in Texas during the fall when tornadoes watches are frequent. When I read those words I felt that summed up how I feel during this time of waiting. It reminded me of the lyric from a Sara Evans song I heard recently that says, "Sometimes for things to grow they need some rain." With no doubt I am between seasons of my life and with signs of spring all around it is hard not to draw a parallel to the actual change of seasons that are occurring around me. However, when I read those words last week I had no idea how torrential the rain would fall or how stormy the waves would get between these changing seasons in my life. I found out this morning that Ethiopia is likely cutting their adoptions by 90%, from processing 50 a day to maximum 5. There is a lot more to it than that and I don't know how this will affect my sons and our process yet but my heart is breaking. Please be in prayer for not only my family but the numerous other families who will be affected by these decisions. Our God is a God of miracles and I have no doubt He can work one in this situation.

I know it seems that ever time I publish a post I include a reference to a song but music just speaks to me in a way nothing else can. I heard this song by Mikeschair several months ago and it meant a lot then. It means all the more in light of my current circumstances.

Let The Waters Rise

Don't know where to begin

It's like my world's caving in

And I try but I can't control my fear

Where do I go from here?

Sometimes its so hard to pray

When You feel so far away

But I am willing to go

Where You want me to

God, I trust You

There's a raging sea

Right in front of me

Wants to pull me in

Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise

If You want them to

I will follow You

I will follow You

I will swim in the deep

'Cuz You'll be next to me

You're in the eye of the storm

And the calm of the sea

You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been

You were there with me then

You were faithful before

You'll be faithful again

I'm holding Your hand

God Your love is enough

You will pull me through

I'm holding onto You

God Your love is enough

I will follow You

I will follow You