Momma's New Zoom Zoom

This week I had a conference call with the adoption agency to discuss the details of my first trip. There were several families on the call and we covered various subjects including where we will stay, outstanding fees and other travel costs, how much time I will get to spend with my boys, and what court will be like. They seemed very positive in regards to how adoptions are moving in Ethiopia and I came away super excited. Dad and I will plan on going this first trip and we will be able to spend time with the boys at the orphanage before court and at the transitional home after our court hearing. It sounds like once final court is complete it will take a minimum of two months to get all of the paperwork together for their visas and my interview at the US embassy. One of the great things I learned recently is that I'm going to be able to work from home for the 12 weeks following my sons arrival in the states. This will be a crucial time of adjustment for all of us and I'm so grateful for this opportunity.

I had been thinking about trading in my Land Rover for a newer vehicle for a while. The opportunity arose for me to get a pretty good deal on a new 2011 Mazda CX-9 this past weekend and I felt like the time was right. One of my main goals was to get something that would hold 7 passengers but wasn't a van. Even though Mom busted my bubble when she told me it looked like a van, I love my new wheels. This is just one of many changes that I'm making to prepare for the arrival of my children. The next few weeks are going to fly by and I can't wait to finally be on that plane headed to Addis to meet my kids.

Queen of Sheba

Last night two of my good friends and I went to the Ethiopian Restaurant in Louisville for a special celebration. It was a unique experience and one that I look forward to enjoying with my children. We sampled a couple appetizers (sambussa and kitfo wraps) and then moved onto our main meal which consisted of sega tips, atakilt, fossolia, alicha sega wot, dora tips, and awaze sega tips. Part of the experience is that you eat with your hands all from a community plate. You pick up the food with injera which is a type of Ethiopian flatbread. I loved every minute of it!

Woooooo Hoooooo

This weekend I went with a couple friends on a tour around Scott County taking pictures of barn quilts. One of our finds was a butterfly. I was joking around with them that it could be a sign that I was about to emerge from my cocoon of waiting having no idea how close to the truth that would be. I received an email after lunch from my agency in Texas letting me know of my court date and I'll admit I got up and did a little dance in my cubical (fortunately for me everyone I work around was gone to lunch). After having a moment to reflect, I couldn't help but smile and think back to that butterfly.

The first hearing date is set for May 3rd. The final hearing date is set for May 20th which means that assuming all goes well on the 3rd I will be on a flight to Ethiopia on May 14th. If the dates hold up it will mean that I will be in Ethiopia to celebrate Mulate's birthday with him. I am extremely excited for this glimpse of light at the end of my tunnel. All that kept going through my mind was the phrase "all glory and honor and praise" from a popular worship song. God has been extremely faithful and I've learned so much during this waiting process but I'm so happy that I finally have a date on the calendar. There has been much celebration that will continue tomorrow when I go to the Ethiopian restaurant in Louisville and throughout this weekend as a dear friend returns to town for a visit. I would like to thank all of you who have prayed for my sons and for me throughout this process. I am very blessed to have you in my life. Please continue to lift my family up in prayer throughout the coming months. Life is good and God is great!

Wrapped Inside a Cocoon

Tuesday night at our bible study someone mentioned they were reading a book called "When the Heart Waits" by Sue Monk Kidd. I had read "The Secret Life of Bees" so I was familiar with Kidd's work. The title of this book resonated with me since my current season of life is one of waiting. I received the news during work on Wendesday about the changes in the Ethiopian adoption world and Wednesday night I drove to Lexington to pick up a copy of the book. (Normally I order all of my books on Amazon so I find it a bit ironic that I could not bring myself to wait when it came to a book about waiting.)

I am only a chapter and a half in but here are some quotes I have found extremely helpful:

• "If you think God leads you only beside still waters, think again. God will also lead you beside turbulent waters. If you have the courage to enter, you'll think you're drowning. But actually you're being churned into something new."
• "I noticed in the bottom lefthand corner of the poster the husk of an empty cocoon, a painful reminder that bright wings and works of art don't just happen."
• "Jesus' life was a balanced rhythm of waiting on God and expressing the fruits of that waiting."
• "The dangers of leaving a cocoon too soon are obvious..., it [the butterfly] couldn't fly. With the butterfly's waiting cut short, its wings were hopelessly unformed."

As I lay in bed that night I pictured myself waiting contently inside the cocoon and knowing that the beauty on the otherside will be well worth the wait. I have been in contact with my agency a couple of times. There is still much uncertainty as to the effect the changes will have on those currently in the process. There is going to be a change in the MOWA leadership this next week and hopefully I will know more in the coming weeks. Although it is not the timing that I expected, I fully believe that God has this all in His hands and I will wait patiently with a determination not to give up hope.

Lyrics from Hope Now (by Addison Road)

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

I'm not my own
I've been carried by you
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

Seasons and Storms

I am currently in a Beth Moore study on Tuesday nights. Something that she brought to life in that study that hit home this past week was that often times between the changing seasons of our lives there are storms. She compared this to living in Texas during the fall when tornadoes watches are frequent. When I read those words I felt that summed up how I feel during this time of waiting. It reminded me of the lyric from a Sara Evans song I heard recently that says, "Sometimes for things to grow they need some rain." With no doubt I am between seasons of my life and with signs of spring all around it is hard not to draw a parallel to the actual change of seasons that are occurring around me. However, when I read those words last week I had no idea how torrential the rain would fall or how stormy the waves would get between these changing seasons in my life. I found out this morning that Ethiopia is likely cutting their adoptions by 90%, from processing 50 a day to maximum 5. There is a lot more to it than that and I don't know how this will affect my sons and our process yet but my heart is breaking. Please be in prayer for not only my family but the numerous other families who will be affected by these decisions. Our God is a God of miracles and I have no doubt He can work one in this situation.

I know it seems that ever time I publish a post I include a reference to a song but music just speaks to me in a way nothing else can. I heard this song by Mikeschair several months ago and it meant a lot then. It means all the more in light of my current circumstances.

Let The Waters Rise

Don't know where to begin

It's like my world's caving in

And I try but I can't control my fear

Where do I go from here?

Sometimes its so hard to pray

When You feel so far away

But I am willing to go

Where You want me to

God, I trust You

There's a raging sea

Right in front of me

Wants to pull me in

Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise

If You want them to

I will follow You

I will follow You

I will swim in the deep

'Cuz You'll be next to me

You're in the eye of the storm

And the calm of the sea

You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been

You were there with me then

You were faithful before

You'll be faithful again

I'm holding Your hand

God Your love is enough

You will pull me through

I'm holding onto You

God Your love is enough

I will follow You

I will follow You

Scenes

It is the last day of the month and I have yet to hear anything from Ethiopia in regards to a court date. I know that God has things to teach me in this time of waiting and I have tried to take advantage of this time by getting things ready but it is so hard. Now that I have seen their faces and know their names each day that goes by is another one that I am not spending with my precious sons. This morning I read a blog entry of a dear friend that is going through cancer treatments in which she said “I don’t want to miss whatever God has for me along the way, so I don’t want to jump ahead or get this frustrated feeling of wanting to rush through it. So I will slow down and enjoy the ride.” We are on totally different rides but in much the same way I want to rush through this portion of my ride. I hope I can learn from my friend’s wisdom. This month has been a long one full of days with gray clouds literally and figuratively. I heard a song the other day called Scenes by Charlie Hall that spoke volumes to me. To walk with God always and to be in constant communion with Him is the only way I want to live. It is my hope that even in times when gray clouds come I lift my mind to Him.

Chill and cold and flakes of snow

Ice and sleet, and frost and cold

Each storm cloud and thunderbolt

Lifts my mind to You

Every work and every power

Every second of every hour

Fall of dew in sweet rain showers

Lifts my mind to You

The summer wind, fire and heat

Autumn leaves and blooms of spring

Ocean waves and mountain streams

Lifts my mind to You

I see You in every scene

I bet You are thinking about me

I have such a short memory

So You keep reminding me of You

As I lay me down to sleep

As I walk on city streets

As I laugh with friends and feast

It lifts my mind to You

As my children play and run

In the news with wars and guns

In the church where songs are sung

It lifts my mind to You

Deep inside the beggar's eyes

As for sweet love I fight

On the radio at night

It lifts my mind to You

I see You in every scene

I bet You are thinking about me

I have such a short memory

So You keep reminding me of You

Painting pictures of Your love

You lift my mind up

Reminding me of You

My heart comes alive

Walk on the Water

Part of the journey of adoption for me is obviously times like the current one where I am just waiting. I’m waiting for a court date so that I can start making travel plans and get my mind in gear for the first trip when I will meet my sons. It has been a goal of mine to make sure that I’m listening for what God wants to teach me during this time of waiting. I am extremely excited about the next couple months and all that they entail but to be honest there is a little part of me that is anxious and scared. I’m sure with any new parent there are seeds of doubt. Can I really do this? Will I be a good mom to these two little boys? The questions in my head continue in a spiral that can get very detailed into what my response will be in certain situations. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and my sons aren’t even home yet! God has been doing a lot in me throughout the past week or so in regards to the issue of doubting myself. As part of the message on Sunday, we watched the Nooma video – ‘Dust’. In it Rob Bell describes what a true disciple is, what it takes to truly follow Jesus. The part of the video that continues to stick out in my head is the story of Peter walking on the water. He points out that Peter didn’t begin to sink because he lost faith in Jesus but he began to sink because he lost faith in himself. Jesus wouldn’t have called Peter out of the boat if he did not believe that Peter could walk on water. Likewise, Jesus wouldn’t have called me down this path of parenthood through adoption if I couldn’t do it. This morning I woke up to the song, “Walk on the Water” by Brit Nicole – “So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose? Your insecurities, they try to hold to you, but you know you’re made for more, so don’t be afraid to move. Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too.” It was just another reminder that I’m not in this alone and God would not have called me to get out of the boat and walk on the water unless I could.