What If God Took Back His Gift

The home study could not have gone better and even the trip to the doctor to get the second round of shots wasn't too bad. The boys are growing and learning so much with each day that passes. They are thoroughly enjoying the Christmas season - complete with trips to the movies to see Arthur Christmas and going to hear various Christmas concerts. I want them to have a well rounded view of the season so I've tried to expose them to different things. We are going tomorrow night with some friends to see the lights at the horse park. Although we are enjoying all the various elements of Christmas, it is very important to me that they understand why we are celebrating. I have made it a point to emphasize Jesus' birth. They have now taken up to thanking God for Jesus, Mary and Joseph during their prayers before they eat and before bed. I don't know that there is a sweeter sound than hearing the prayers of your children.

Even though things have been going extremely well, there are still moments where I find myself in the midst of a control battle and wondering why I am there. One such moment occurred yesterday. I am very conscious of the attitudes my children project and want them to always be thankful and respectful. Mulatu was having a moment where the thankfulness for a gift he received was clearly not his priority. I found myself threatening to take it away if his attitude didn't change. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. Thankfully I didn't have to follow through on the threat because his behavior changed but it made me do a lot of self reflection.

What if God was the kind of parent that I was at that moment? What if when His children didn't show thankfulness for the gifts that they had been given He decided to take them back? What if He did that with the greatest gift of all? What if when His children turned their back on Him and decided to walk their own way, He took Jesus back? Thankfully, God is not that kind of parent. I'm so grateful that He is the perfect example of grace and love. I'm also grateful that I get second chances at this parenting gig. Just as my boys are learning so much, I'm also learning a lot about myself. Hopefully the things that I'm learning will translate into fewer and fewer moments like the one above.

Parasite Free

For those of you unfamiliar with the adoption world, crap collection is part of the norm. You collect three samples 48 hours between each and send them off for analysis. Depending on the results you then start a round of meds for treatment and then repeat to make sure everything cleared up the way it should have. The first round, Nate had a common parasite and Mulatu had four parasites that from what the doctor said meant he had been some pretty nasty stuff. Well I am happy to report that after round 2, we are now parasite free.

The boys have settled into a routine and school is going really well. They are learning so much and it truly is the ideal environment for them as they adjust. Their new favorite thing is playing Wii. They are like their mom in that way I guess. Their favorite game right now is Donkey Kong and every time they jump in the game they physically jump. They are sweating by the time they are done playing. Seeing as Wii is such a motivating factor I have implemented a strike system in which they cannot play Wii if they get three strikes. They understand there are consequences for their actions and this has cut down on the direct defiance issues.

They have ventured out into a few new foods. Mulatu actually ate spaghetti with meat sauce on it this week. They still prefer their eggs and bacon for lunch every day. We spent time doing Operation Christmas Child boxes that the boys helped pack. We got a bookmark from church with prayer points every day. During our nightly prayer time I try to remember to use the bookmark and you better believe if I forget they remind me. It was exciting decorating for Christmas and having the clumps of ornaments on my tree that comes when kids help hang the ornaments. Today we start our advent calendar – I’ve been excited about this for a while.

Tomorrow is our first home study which means I will be cleaning up the house a bit tonight but I really have no concerns. Monday is another shot day which hopefully will be as uneventful as the last one. Monday afternoon I am headed to court to have their names legally changed. I received their Citizenship Certificates in the mail a few weeks ago. Currently they legally have my first name as their middle name so I want to get that changed before I get social security numbers for them.

I am back at work full time now. It was a pretty smooth transition. I look forward to five o'clock so I can see their faces and hear about their day. I love those boys more and more each day and I'm pretty sure that is the way it should be.

Thanksgiving

I have truly been blessed throughout my life but this year I find myself feeling a different level of thankfulness. Some of the things on my list this holiday season:

• I am so grateful that our God is a relational God and that He provides me with hope every day. I love that He gives us purpose beyond the realm of what we can dream and that I can look forward to a day when the evils of this world will pass away and I can worship Him face to face.
• I have been blessed with two beautiful sons. I am thankful that God provided adoption as an option so that they could grow up with the love of a mother. I am thankful that they are home and I know they are being cared for. I’m thankful for their smiles and their laughs and for the joy they find in every new encounter. I’m thankful for the numerous hugs and kisses that I receive throughout the course of the day.
• I am blessed with two wonderful parents and I’m grateful that I’ve grown up with their model of love. It has been fun watching them become grandparents. My mom has dedicated her retired life to teaching my children and providing them a safe environment to learn and grow and I know they could not be in any better hands while I am away.
• I am thankful for holidays and special times to celebrate all that God has done for us. I am excited about starting traditions with my family and seeing the boy’s eyes light up as they encounter the joy of Christmas for the first time. I’m thankful that I was able to spend today decorating for Christmas with my sons.
• I am thankful for clean water and ample food, a comfortable home filled with more entertainment than I could possibly ever need and a warm bed to sleep in at night.
• I am grateful for a wonderful job that has enabled me to ease into this parenting gig and has provided my opportunities to do something I love.
• I am thankful for the numerous friends and family that have supported me with prayers and encouragement throughout the past year as I waited sometimes with not very much patience for my family to be together.
• I am grateful for my church family and the ability to worship there freely every Sunday. I am thankful for our outreach team and the support and enthusiasm that is behind us as we attempt to touch the lives of others.
• I am thankful for missionaries and other ministries around the world that are on the front lines fighting daily battles in an effort to share God’s love to those that need Him desperately. I am likewise thankful for those that dedicate their lives to helping the least of these.

God Will Make a Way

Today Nate had a follow up appointment at the dentist to get his cavities filled. I had opted for laughing gas in hopes that would calm him down. We never even got that far. He was in a bad mood all morning and didn't want to go into the office when we got there. We tried to force the issue but he was having none of it. We have rescheduled for the middle of next month to see if we have better luck using an oral sedation. This was one of those days I was struggling. I left the dentist defeated and feeling like I had failed as a parent. Not only had we not accomplished anything - I also left feeling angry and frustrated with my son. Within an hour of leaving the dentist I got a call from the peds office to discuss the schedule for immunizations which needless to say is not a fun one. The unfun part of parenting was kicking into high gear and if I'm honest I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Every night before we go to bed we read part of 'The Jesus Storybook Bible'. (I highly recommend it.) It just so happened that tonight's story spoke more to me than I'm sure it did my children. It was the story of Moses at the Red Sea. Quoting from the story,
"We're going to die!" They shrieked.
"Don't be afraid!" Moses said.
"But there's nothing we can do!" they screamed.
"God knows you can't do anything!" Moses said. "God will do it for you. Trust him. And watch!"
"But there's no way out!" they cried.
"God will make a way!" Moses said.

As I sat there with my children one falling asleep on my lap and the other nestled into my side, I heard God speaking clearly to me. Even though today I felt I was facing a large sea with no way across, God reassured me that He will provide a way and to simply trust in Him.

Vomit Free Journey

So I typically listen to my former youth minister's sermons online and I was listening to one the other day that seemed particularly relevant to my day - He said, "Trusting God and following God and listening to God's voice in this moment does not equate to that its going to be easy. God did not promise us free from difficulty - He did not promise us a vomit free journey. He didn't promise us that but what He did say is I want you to go." I was listening to this after a morning in which I had purple nasty tasting medicine spit in my face because Nate didn't want to take it. We received results from their tests and because of some parasites that were still in their system they were going to be on medicine for 10 days, 3 times a day. The spitting occurred the first dose of day one and I was convinced that the next 10 days were going to be hell. I'm happy to report that they just took their last dose tonight and despite the battles on day one we managed to make it through unscathed.

I've noticed several things since becoming a mother. I lose all track of time these days and things seem to simply run together. My hands have never been softer in all of my life because I have to lotion up these boys quite a bit. I will never sleep past 8 o'clock again and I have even become ok with that. It is amazing at how much they have learned in the past month and a half. They are recognizing their letters, numbers, colors, and shapes. They know the names of numerous animals and other household objects. They both are writing their names on their own now. They come home from mom's house each day with a stack of school work and show me all of they have done. It just warms my heart. There is this deep satisfaction that I feel when I see my kids do something that makes them proud of themselves.

They have been going to the library every week for story time. It gives them an opportunity to interact with other kids. I'm glad my parents are game for taking them since it is generally the day I am at the office. They have both went to their class at church for the past two Sundays and are doing well with that. They are both very strong willed and stubborn so the days still do not go by without incidents but the moments are becoming fewer and farther between and there are some days that I look back and think - Now that was a really good day. We are enjoying all of the fall festivities - pumpkin patches, collecting leaves, trunk or treating, making fallish crafts, etc. I want them to have as many experiences as possible so they can start to form some memories to which they can relate when we read stories at night about some of these things.

Being a mom is exhausting but there is nothing else that I would rather be doing at this juncture in my journey and I'm grateful everyday that God has blessed me with these two wonderful, amazing sons.

I’ll keep the dents...

In Cars 2 there is a scene where Mater talks about his collection of dents. Someone offers to buffer them out and he protests saying they are all memories. Having two boys means getting hit by random flying balls and wrestling matches which results in a variety of bruises. Like Mater I would not trade these bruises for anything because they represent good times with my boys.

They had a wonderful experience at the Dentist. I can not say enough good things about the Pediatric Dentistry of Hamburg and Dr. Jackson. Mulatu didn't have any cavities but Nate has two so he will have to go for a follow up in about three weeks. Although I'm sure that experience will not be fun I'm very grateful that the first trip went so well. God continues to be in the details of this journey and I know he will take care of every concern I have.

This weekend we went to Steak and Shake for the first time. Mulatu enjoyed a chocolate shake while Nate choose Strawberry. We also went to our first yardsale. They kids enjoyed picking out some 'new' toys and it provided some pretty cheap entertainment. Yesterday was our second attempt at church. Mulatu had already informed me on Saturday that he didn't want to go to church. That attitude persisted on Sunday morning so instead of sitting in the service he went to his class and played with the other children. He got a very good report and learned about sharing. He colored a fantastic picture of two dogs and came out with a big smile. Nate stayed with me in the service. I'm going to let him decide when he is ready to move to his classroom.

Today marks the one month mark and they have learned so much in the past month I continue to be amazed.

Smashed Butterflies

If you read my blog it will become clear that somewhere along the way butterflies became symbolic of my journey. If I continue to carry that symbolism through, the signs may not be so good. I took the boys for a bike ride a few days ago which has become part of our daily routine. On this particular trip Nate hit a butterfly with his bike which was followed the next lap around the parking lot by him getting off of his bike and stomping on it.

The past few weeks have been filled with firsts and I have to say I have been extremely proud of my sons as they have encountered the various environments into which they have been thrust. We went to the festival of the horse parade. They loved raking in the candy. We also had a family birthday party where they met all of the relatives. They did extremely well in a crowd of so many people that were paying them a great deal of attention. We went to church on Sunday for the first time. Mulatu is still a bit overwhelmed in crowd situations but they both did extremely well. They is nothing that makes me happier than to look over and see Nate clapping during the worship service or seeing them both bow their heads during the prayer. Yesterday we went to the theatre to see Cars 2. We had the theater all to ourselves. Nate fell asleep half way through and Mulatu kept wanting me to turn on the lights. All in all I would call it a success.

They have settled into family life well. They willingly help me dry dishes, sweep, do the laundry and clean off the table. However, that isn’t to say the days go by without incident. There is still a lot of jockeying for position as far as their relationship with one another goes. There have also been the occasional breakdowns that last for an hour or so when they aren’t getting their way. I’m still learning what that means for me as a mom and how best to deal with it. One of the breakdowns occurred in the store Kid to Kid where Mulatu had spotted a Scooby soccer jacket that was way too big for him. I decided that although it wouldn’t fit Mulatu it would be just fine for Nate. Big mistake on my part – I tried to entice Mulatu with all sorts of things after that fact but it was all over. It made me think about how many times I pursue something that isn’t the best for me and God tries to turn my attention away from that to something better but all I do is fight and throw a big fit. These encounters with my children allow me to view my relationship with God in a new way and understand more of what it means to be His child. I’m also learning what this whole motherhood thing means as far as my other relationships go. It goes without saying that having children changes your entire world but knowing that in your head and experiencing it are two completely different things.

Tomorrow we go to the dentist and I for one am not looking forward to it. Although I know the dead butterfly on the pavement is not symbolic of my motherhood, I can’t help but laugh. And that is definitely one thing that is never in short supply these days – a good laugh.