Today Nate had a follow up appointment at the dentist to get his cavities filled. I had opted for laughing gas in hopes that would calm him down. We never even got that far. He was in a bad mood all morning and didn't want to go into the office when we got there. We tried to force the issue but he was having none of it. We have rescheduled for the middle of next month to see if we have better luck using an oral sedation. This was one of those days I was struggling. I left the dentist defeated and feeling like I had failed as a parent. Not only had we not accomplished anything - I also left feeling angry and frustrated with my son. Within an hour of leaving the dentist I got a call from the peds office to discuss the schedule for immunizations which needless to say is not a fun one. The unfun part of parenting was kicking into high gear and if I'm honest I'm still feeling a bit overwhelmed.
Every night before we go to bed we read part of 'The Jesus Storybook Bible'. (I highly recommend it.) It just so happened that tonight's story spoke more to me than I'm sure it did my children. It was the story of Moses at the Red Sea. Quoting from the story,
"We're going to die!" They shrieked.
"Don't be afraid!" Moses said.
"But there's nothing we can do!" they screamed.
"God knows you can't do anything!" Moses said. "God will do it for you. Trust him. And watch!"
"But there's no way out!" they cried.
"God will make a way!" Moses said.
As I sat there with my children one falling asleep on my lap and the other nestled into my side, I heard God speaking clearly to me. Even though today I felt I was facing a large sea with no way across, God reassured me that He will provide a way and to simply trust in Him.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Vomit Free Journey
So I typically listen to my former youth minister's sermons online and I was listening to one the other day that seemed particularly relevant to my day - He said, "Trusting God and following God and listening to God's voice in this moment does not equate to that its going to be easy. God did not promise us free from difficulty - He did not promise us a vomit free journey. He didn't promise us that but what He did say is I want you to go." I was listening to this after a morning in which I had purple nasty tasting medicine spit in my face because Nate didn't want to take it. We received results from their tests and because of some parasites that were still in their system they were going to be on medicine for 10 days, 3 times a day. The spitting occurred the first dose of day one and I was convinced that the next 10 days were going to be hell. I'm happy to report that they just took their last dose tonight and despite the battles on day one we managed to make it through unscathed.
I've noticed several things since becoming a mother. I lose all track of time these days and things seem to simply run together. My hands have never been softer in all of my life because I have to lotion up these boys quite a bit. I will never sleep past 8 o'clock again and I have even become ok with that. It is amazing at how much they have learned in the past month and a half. They are recognizing their letters, numbers, colors, and shapes. They know the names of numerous animals and other household objects. They both are writing their names on their own now. They come home from mom's house each day with a stack of school work and show me all of they have done. It just warms my heart. There is this deep satisfaction that I feel when I see my kids do something that makes them proud of themselves.
They have been going to the library every week for story time. It gives them an opportunity to interact with other kids. I'm glad my parents are game for taking them since it is generally the day I am at the office. They have both went to their class at church for the past two Sundays and are doing well with that. They are both very strong willed and stubborn so the days still do not go by without incidents but the moments are becoming fewer and farther between and there are some days that I look back and think - Now that was a really good day. We are enjoying all of the fall festivities - pumpkin patches, collecting leaves, trunk or treating, making fallish crafts, etc. I want them to have as many experiences as possible so they can start to form some memories to which they can relate when we read stories at night about some of these things.
Being a mom is exhausting but there is nothing else that I would rather be doing at this juncture in my journey and I'm grateful everyday that God has blessed me with these two wonderful, amazing sons.
I've noticed several things since becoming a mother. I lose all track of time these days and things seem to simply run together. My hands have never been softer in all of my life because I have to lotion up these boys quite a bit. I will never sleep past 8 o'clock again and I have even become ok with that. It is amazing at how much they have learned in the past month and a half. They are recognizing their letters, numbers, colors, and shapes. They know the names of numerous animals and other household objects. They both are writing their names on their own now. They come home from mom's house each day with a stack of school work and show me all of they have done. It just warms my heart. There is this deep satisfaction that I feel when I see my kids do something that makes them proud of themselves.
They have been going to the library every week for story time. It gives them an opportunity to interact with other kids. I'm glad my parents are game for taking them since it is generally the day I am at the office. They have both went to their class at church for the past two Sundays and are doing well with that. They are both very strong willed and stubborn so the days still do not go by without incidents but the moments are becoming fewer and farther between and there are some days that I look back and think - Now that was a really good day. We are enjoying all of the fall festivities - pumpkin patches, collecting leaves, trunk or treating, making fallish crafts, etc. I want them to have as many experiences as possible so they can start to form some memories to which they can relate when we read stories at night about some of these things.
Being a mom is exhausting but there is nothing else that I would rather be doing at this juncture in my journey and I'm grateful everyday that God has blessed me with these two wonderful, amazing sons.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
I’ll keep the dents...
In Cars 2 there is a scene where Mater talks about his collection of dents. Someone offers to buffer them out and he protests saying they are all memories. Having two boys means getting hit by random flying balls and wrestling matches which results in a variety of bruises. Like Mater I would not trade these bruises for anything because they represent good times with my boys.
They had a wonderful experience at the Dentist. I can not say enough good things about the Pediatric Dentistry of Hamburg and Dr. Jackson. Mulatu didn't have any cavities but Nate has two so he will have to go for a follow up in about three weeks. Although I'm sure that experience will not be fun I'm very grateful that the first trip went so well. God continues to be in the details of this journey and I know he will take care of every concern I have.
This weekend we went to Steak and Shake for the first time. Mulatu enjoyed a chocolate shake while Nate choose Strawberry. We also went to our first yardsale. They kids enjoyed picking out some 'new' toys and it provided some pretty cheap entertainment. Yesterday was our second attempt at church. Mulatu had already informed me on Saturday that he didn't want to go to church. That attitude persisted on Sunday morning so instead of sitting in the service he went to his class and played with the other children. He got a very good report and learned about sharing. He colored a fantastic picture of two dogs and came out with a big smile. Nate stayed with me in the service. I'm going to let him decide when he is ready to move to his classroom.
Today marks the one month mark and they have learned so much in the past month I continue to be amazed.
They had a wonderful experience at the Dentist. I can not say enough good things about the Pediatric Dentistry of Hamburg and Dr. Jackson. Mulatu didn't have any cavities but Nate has two so he will have to go for a follow up in about three weeks. Although I'm sure that experience will not be fun I'm very grateful that the first trip went so well. God continues to be in the details of this journey and I know he will take care of every concern I have.
This weekend we went to Steak and Shake for the first time. Mulatu enjoyed a chocolate shake while Nate choose Strawberry. We also went to our first yardsale. They kids enjoyed picking out some 'new' toys and it provided some pretty cheap entertainment. Yesterday was our second attempt at church. Mulatu had already informed me on Saturday that he didn't want to go to church. That attitude persisted on Sunday morning so instead of sitting in the service he went to his class and played with the other children. He got a very good report and learned about sharing. He colored a fantastic picture of two dogs and came out with a big smile. Nate stayed with me in the service. I'm going to let him decide when he is ready to move to his classroom.
Today marks the one month mark and they have learned so much in the past month I continue to be amazed.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Smashed Butterflies
If you read my blog it will become clear that somewhere along the way butterflies became symbolic of my journey. If I continue to carry that symbolism through, the signs may not be so good. I took the boys for a bike ride a few days ago which has become part of our daily routine. On this particular trip Nate hit a butterfly with his bike which was followed the next lap around the parking lot by him getting off of his bike and stomping on it.
The past few weeks have been filled with firsts and I have to say I have been extremely proud of my sons as they have encountered the various environments into which they have been thrust. We went to the festival of the horse parade. They loved raking in the candy. We also had a family birthday party where they met all of the relatives. They did extremely well in a crowd of so many people that were paying them a great deal of attention. We went to church on Sunday for the first time. Mulatu is still a bit overwhelmed in crowd situations but they both did extremely well. They is nothing that makes me happier than to look over and see Nate clapping during the worship service or seeing them both bow their heads during the prayer. Yesterday we went to the theatre to see Cars 2. We had the theater all to ourselves. Nate fell asleep half way through and Mulatu kept wanting me to turn on the lights. All in all I would call it a success.
They have settled into family life well. They willingly help me dry dishes, sweep, do the laundry and clean off the table. However, that isn’t to say the days go by without incident. There is still a lot of jockeying for position as far as their relationship with one another goes. There have also been the occasional breakdowns that last for an hour or so when they aren’t getting their way. I’m still learning what that means for me as a mom and how best to deal with it. One of the breakdowns occurred in the store Kid to Kid where Mulatu had spotted a Scooby soccer jacket that was way too big for him. I decided that although it wouldn’t fit Mulatu it would be just fine for Nate. Big mistake on my part – I tried to entice Mulatu with all sorts of things after that fact but it was all over. It made me think about how many times I pursue something that isn’t the best for me and God tries to turn my attention away from that to something better but all I do is fight and throw a big fit. These encounters with my children allow me to view my relationship with God in a new way and understand more of what it means to be His child. I’m also learning what this whole motherhood thing means as far as my other relationships go. It goes without saying that having children changes your entire world but knowing that in your head and experiencing it are two completely different things.
Tomorrow we go to the dentist and I for one am not looking forward to it. Although I know the dead butterfly on the pavement is not symbolic of my motherhood, I can’t help but laugh. And that is definitely one thing that is never in short supply these days – a good laugh.
The past few weeks have been filled with firsts and I have to say I have been extremely proud of my sons as they have encountered the various environments into which they have been thrust. We went to the festival of the horse parade. They loved raking in the candy. We also had a family birthday party where they met all of the relatives. They did extremely well in a crowd of so many people that were paying them a great deal of attention. We went to church on Sunday for the first time. Mulatu is still a bit overwhelmed in crowd situations but they both did extremely well. They is nothing that makes me happier than to look over and see Nate clapping during the worship service or seeing them both bow their heads during the prayer. Yesterday we went to the theatre to see Cars 2. We had the theater all to ourselves. Nate fell asleep half way through and Mulatu kept wanting me to turn on the lights. All in all I would call it a success.
They have settled into family life well. They willingly help me dry dishes, sweep, do the laundry and clean off the table. However, that isn’t to say the days go by without incident. There is still a lot of jockeying for position as far as their relationship with one another goes. There have also been the occasional breakdowns that last for an hour or so when they aren’t getting their way. I’m still learning what that means for me as a mom and how best to deal with it. One of the breakdowns occurred in the store Kid to Kid where Mulatu had spotted a Scooby soccer jacket that was way too big for him. I decided that although it wouldn’t fit Mulatu it would be just fine for Nate. Big mistake on my part – I tried to entice Mulatu with all sorts of things after that fact but it was all over. It made me think about how many times I pursue something that isn’t the best for me and God tries to turn my attention away from that to something better but all I do is fight and throw a big fit. These encounters with my children allow me to view my relationship with God in a new way and understand more of what it means to be His child. I’m also learning what this whole motherhood thing means as far as my other relationships go. It goes without saying that having children changes your entire world but knowing that in your head and experiencing it are two completely different things.
Tomorrow we go to the dentist and I for one am not looking forward to it. Although I know the dead butterfly on the pavement is not symbolic of my motherhood, I can’t help but laugh. And that is definitely one thing that is never in short supply these days – a good laugh.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
2 weeks in...
Two weeks can sometimes feel like an eternity and sometimes feel like a blink of an eye. The boys and I arrived in the states two weeks ago today. There is a whole lot of moments I wish I could capture so that I remember to share them all but it is hard to keep track of it all. The boys continue to adjust; as with all children, there are definitely some moments that are better than others. They are extremely strong willed and often like to see where the lines are drawn in regards to how much they can get away with. They do not like much in the way of American food so meal time is always a challenge. They occasionally fight going to sleep but for the most part we have a good routine down of bath, 15 minutes of a movie, several books and then lights out. Last night I got my first ‘I love you so much’ from Mulatu without prompting as he crawled into bed.
They have had several firsts this past week. We went to two different parks. They are fearless when it comes to climbing and rough and tumble activities. They also tried out their bikes for the first time. We have gone a few times since and it is something they ask to do multiple times throughout the day. Nate is riding solo (still with training wheels) but Mulatu is a little too short for his bike so I try to stand nearby to catch him if his balance gets off.
Wednesday was the enjoyable moment of 4.5 hours at the doctors. I never thought we would get out of there. They each dropped 12 vials of blood and multiple tears. I even shed a few myself. Watching my kids cry is not easy on this momma! They took xrays of their hands to try to get a bone age and met with the occupational therapist as well. They both had glowing reports from the doctor and a little nap followed by some ice cream and all was well again.
The meltdowns are still challenging for me to handle but each day I learn a little bit more. We are off to ride bikes on this pretty afternoon so until I have another free moment that is all for now...
They have had several firsts this past week. We went to two different parks. They are fearless when it comes to climbing and rough and tumble activities. They also tried out their bikes for the first time. We have gone a few times since and it is something they ask to do multiple times throughout the day. Nate is riding solo (still with training wheels) but Mulatu is a little too short for his bike so I try to stand nearby to catch him if his balance gets off.
Wednesday was the enjoyable moment of 4.5 hours at the doctors. I never thought we would get out of there. They each dropped 12 vials of blood and multiple tears. I even shed a few myself. Watching my kids cry is not easy on this momma! They took xrays of their hands to try to get a bone age and met with the occupational therapist as well. They both had glowing reports from the doctor and a little nap followed by some ice cream and all was well again.
The meltdowns are still challenging for me to handle but each day I learn a little bit more. We are off to ride bikes on this pretty afternoon so until I have another free moment that is all for now...
Friday, September 16, 2011
New Normal
Well we have been home a few days now and I'm slowly adjusting to the new normal. Part of that includes waking up around 6:15 every morning. My wonderful mother came over yesterday so I could sleep in. I don't know that there was a better gift I could have been given. I was concerned that I would not sleep well constantly worrying about the kids getting up in the night, etc but we have all been sleeping really well. I have also been trying to put them down for a nap every day and get on a schedule. They usually stay in their beds and talk a while but with some persistance they will fall asleep and get a good nap in after lunch. We've had a few meltdowns from each of them. Typically it comes when they aren't getting their way but they have been a few others as well. It is especially hard when they have these moments because it is hard to comfort them when they can't tell me what is wrong. There also seem to be some brotherly conflicts going on - they talk to each other in their language a lot and from the context and tone you can tell that it isn't always nice. Sharing is not high on their want to list and trying to implement discipline and consequences without knowing if they fully understand me is difficult. We have tried school the past couple of days. Their attention span is pretty short but I'm sure as time goes on it will improve. We are giving them new foods - trying to see what they like and don't like. So far meat is not high on their list of things to eat. They do seem to like peanut butter and lentil soup so I've managed to get some protein in them. Nate really likes noodles so mac and cheese and really anything with semi plain noodles is his favorite. Mulatu is a little less picky but there are still some things he won't have anything to do with. They seem to pick up english words pretty quickly - learning more and more everyday. They are still very quiet when they meet new people.
The past few days have been challenging but there have been some incredibly sweet moments as well. Nate is big on greeting me with a morning kiss usually while I'm still in bed. Mulatu likes to ham it up and often breaks into a cute little dance. It is great watching all the ways their eyes light up and they laugh as they have encountered this new world.
We ventured out yesterday for the first time to visit Grandma's house and see Stitch (our golden retriever). They were a little skiddish at first but warmed up pretty quickly. We also took a trip to Kohls because all of Mulatu's pants were too long. They did pretty well on their first shopping experience. Today we went to Kroger and they both drove the cars under the carts. Mulatu fell asleep about 3/4 through.
I realize a lot of what I'm facing and feeling is just like every new parent - there are new adventures every day and I'm trying to enjoy the moments and not focus on the little things that don't work out the way I think they should. I have a lot of support around me and I honestly couldn't do it without it. Although I feel a tremendous amount of responsibility and I realize as a single parent this isn't going to be a walk in the park I am confident that this is exactly where God wants me to be. Next week I start working from home - hopefully this will be an easy transition for me.
The past few days have been challenging but there have been some incredibly sweet moments as well. Nate is big on greeting me with a morning kiss usually while I'm still in bed. Mulatu likes to ham it up and often breaks into a cute little dance. It is great watching all the ways their eyes light up and they laugh as they have encountered this new world.
We ventured out yesterday for the first time to visit Grandma's house and see Stitch (our golden retriever). They were a little skiddish at first but warmed up pretty quickly. We also took a trip to Kohls because all of Mulatu's pants were too long. They did pretty well on their first shopping experience. Today we went to Kroger and they both drove the cars under the carts. Mulatu fell asleep about 3/4 through.
I realize a lot of what I'm facing and feeling is just like every new parent - there are new adventures every day and I'm trying to enjoy the moments and not focus on the little things that don't work out the way I think they should. I have a lot of support around me and I honestly couldn't do it without it. Although I feel a tremendous amount of responsibility and I realize as a single parent this isn't going to be a walk in the park I am confident that this is exactly where God wants me to be. Next week I start working from home - hopefully this will be an easy transition for me.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
We're Home
Sept 8 -
Well today I received the visa/passports for the kids and the sealed packets I have to hand over to immigration. It is quite surreal to know that everything is done and all we are doing is waiting to get on the plane to head home. I had a great day today of playing with the boys. We worked puzzles, colored, did a sticker book and played soccer outside. They also wrote their names some and we played a game where we worked on their color and number skills. It felt so good to be able to help them learn - there is going to be some challenges ahead for sure but there is also going to be some incredible fun and rewarding times. I know at times I've felt overwhelemed but today I just feel great and I know it is going to get so much easier once we are in our own home. 2 more nights and we'll be headed back!
Sept 9 -
It is our last night in Addis - tomorrow we begin our journey home. There are so many thoughts running through my head but mostly I'm just ready to be home with my boys. I know the 17 hour plane ride is not going to be easy but I also know God will provide me the strength to endure. Today we said goodbye to two families - they had a special ceremony with coffee and popcorn. All the kids from the transition home came to the ceremony - it was very emotional - knowing all the love that was represented by them being there. Each one is just waiting for their family to come and get them. I so much want to know what is going through my kids heads. The communication has worked most of the time but I so much want to make sure all of their needs are met and it is hard when I can't ask them. I never thought this day would come - the week has in some ways felt like an eternity but in other ways it feels like it has been quickly. I know that the next few days will be the most trying but it is all part of the journey to bring them home.
Sept 11 -
Well we packed up and headed out at about 5:30 yesterday - I had a horrible nights sleep - just a lot of stuff running through my head but my stomach wasn't feeling the best either. We had several firsts at the airport - first escalator, first straw - to name a few. They both crashed before we checked into the flight so we had to lug their dead weight around through the airport as we headed toward security. Unfortantely, they required them to walk through by themselves. I didn't think we were going to get Mulatu woken up enough...They were pretty excited about the movies and games on the plane but they soon gave way to the sleep. They slept well for several hours - it was peaceful to watch them - 17 hours is so brutal. There is no way getting around it. My stomach started to hurt about 10 hours in and I was so thankful my mother was there. I took some fenigrin which knocked me out but it seemed to subdue whatever was going on in my stomach. Customs/immigation was a breeze. We are all exhausted so it is hard to judge things at this point. I'm trying to remember that God led me down this journey and maintain a sense of rationality. Sometimes it seems so crazy that I now have these two little people that I'm responsible for. We got to our hotel super early but after a trip to IHOP where the boys throughly enjoyed some pancakes and mac & cheese and eggs. We came to the hotel for a bath and a little decompressing time - Each day holds new promise as we continue to learn about one another - I continue to pray for strength and wisdom everyday.
Well today I received the visa/passports for the kids and the sealed packets I have to hand over to immigration. It is quite surreal to know that everything is done and all we are doing is waiting to get on the plane to head home. I had a great day today of playing with the boys. We worked puzzles, colored, did a sticker book and played soccer outside. They also wrote their names some and we played a game where we worked on their color and number skills. It felt so good to be able to help them learn - there is going to be some challenges ahead for sure but there is also going to be some incredible fun and rewarding times. I know at times I've felt overwhelemed but today I just feel great and I know it is going to get so much easier once we are in our own home. 2 more nights and we'll be headed back!
Sept 9 -
It is our last night in Addis - tomorrow we begin our journey home. There are so many thoughts running through my head but mostly I'm just ready to be home with my boys. I know the 17 hour plane ride is not going to be easy but I also know God will provide me the strength to endure. Today we said goodbye to two families - they had a special ceremony with coffee and popcorn. All the kids from the transition home came to the ceremony - it was very emotional - knowing all the love that was represented by them being there. Each one is just waiting for their family to come and get them. I so much want to know what is going through my kids heads. The communication has worked most of the time but I so much want to make sure all of their needs are met and it is hard when I can't ask them. I never thought this day would come - the week has in some ways felt like an eternity but in other ways it feels like it has been quickly. I know that the next few days will be the most trying but it is all part of the journey to bring them home.
Sept 11 -
Well we packed up and headed out at about 5:30 yesterday - I had a horrible nights sleep - just a lot of stuff running through my head but my stomach wasn't feeling the best either. We had several firsts at the airport - first escalator, first straw - to name a few. They both crashed before we checked into the flight so we had to lug their dead weight around through the airport as we headed toward security. Unfortantely, they required them to walk through by themselves. I didn't think we were going to get Mulatu woken up enough...They were pretty excited about the movies and games on the plane but they soon gave way to the sleep. They slept well for several hours - it was peaceful to watch them - 17 hours is so brutal. There is no way getting around it. My stomach started to hurt about 10 hours in and I was so thankful my mother was there. I took some fenigrin which knocked me out but it seemed to subdue whatever was going on in my stomach. Customs/immigation was a breeze. We are all exhausted so it is hard to judge things at this point. I'm trying to remember that God led me down this journey and maintain a sense of rationality. Sometimes it seems so crazy that I now have these two little people that I'm responsible for. We got to our hotel super early but after a trip to IHOP where the boys throughly enjoyed some pancakes and mac & cheese and eggs. We came to the hotel for a bath and a little decompressing time - Each day holds new promise as we continue to learn about one another - I continue to pray for strength and wisdom everyday.
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